In the Blink of an Eye: Facing the Choices of Infertility

You may not know what embryo adoption is, much less how to emotionally prepare for it. Embryo adoption occurs when someone goes through in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and has leftover embryos (an egg and sperm joined together) available, then chooses to donate them to another woman to carry and raise.

I became very familiar with this topic when I was hired over a year ago as the Public Relations Manager for the National Embryo Donation Center (NEDC). This job has been a continuous learning process for me, but I have been mentored well by Dr. Jeffrey Keenan, Medical Director, and Carol Sommerfelt, Embryologist.

As part of an embryo donation and adoption public awareness campaign supported with grants funds from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, I am able to travel nationwide to educate people about embryo donation and adoption. Through the public awareness campaign, I have had the pleasure of speaking with medical professionals, social service professionals, adoption attorneys, and potential embryo donors and embryo recipients regarding the many issues surrounding embryo donation and adoption.

Through my knowledge and professional experience, one would assume my own journey with embryo donation and adoption would be an easy one. However, no amount of knowledge fully prepared me for the many emotions I would face since the beginning of my struggle with infertility.

My husband, Brian, and I were married right out of college and naturally assumed we would be able to have as many children as we desired. Unfortunately, after trying for over a year, we realized there was a problem. Following a visit to an infertility specialist, we were told I needed surgery to remove a blocked fallopian tube.

I agreed to the surgery in December, 2002, and, as I was waking up from the ordeal, I could hear the nurses talking about some poor girl who had both of her fallopian tubes taken out and I immediately wondered, "Could they be talking about me?". As I soon learned, the scar tissue had spread everywhere, blocking both of my fallopian tubes, requiring them to be removed during surgery. Within the blink of an eye, our options for creating a family became limited to in-vitro fertilization or traditional adoption.

Both Brian and I were in our early twenties and had just started our careers. We did not see how we could ever afford in-vitro fertilization when it cost around $10,000 -$15,000, not including medication, and our health insurance would only cover a lifetime of $1,000. Traditional adoption can cost upwards of $10,000-$25,000.

Six months after my surgery and after much discussion, Brian and I decided to take our savings and apply it towards our first fresh cycle of IVF. It produced a chemical pregnancy, but I had two more frozen embryos available. While my body was ready for an additional transfer again six months later, the embryos did not survive the thaw and I was unable to have a transfer.

At that point, I really wanted to proceed with traditional adoption, but my husband did not. It took two years of discussions and arguments and tears as we fought against the vision of being childless.

Brian wanted to try one more round of IVF, so, once again, our lives centered around the next injection, the next doctor's appointment...the continual hope that a baby would become ours. Neither the fresh cycle or the frozen cycle were successful, leaving us broke and with no additional embryos available. Finally, we both agreed to pursue traditional adoption.

While we waited on a birthmother to choose us, I was traveling around the country educating people about embryo donation and adoption. The more I discussed it with other clinics, the more I began feeling led to embryo adoption where I could control the womb environment, as well as the whole experience of pregnancy.

Once again my husband and I found ourselves at different places, he wanting to stick with traditional adoption and me wanting to try embryo adoption. Many months later, we agreed to try the embryo route and are now in the process of embryo adoption.

It has been a very long road, but Brian and I are looking forward to the coming year. It is difficult to imagine that I could one day be giving birth to my own adopted child.

More information about embryo donation and adoption is available through the public awareness campaign at embryodonation.org or by calling 865-218-6600.

 

This information was prepared and is being disseminated with support from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services under grant # EAAPA941002. The statements expressed herein are those of the author and the NEDC, and do not necessarily reflect the official views of the Department.